Time Stands Still
As I Begin Again
A Note: Today, December 1, 2025, is an important milestone, marking the second year that I did a very brave thing and hit “publish” on my first post of Someday Is Now. I still pinch myself, not quite believing that this dream of writing is coming true. Certainly, I have more followers and more views of my work, but what is more important is that I continue to be gentle with myself and trust that my words will mean something – even if it’s just to one person. And when that one person is me, that is still enough.
I am ever so thankful to the soul sisters (and a couple of brothers) who are a part of my writing circles and dream catchers. I am thankful for my son, who has never asked me to hold back on posting those parts of my story that include him (he always has veto power). And Andy who provides the majority of the photos that compliment my words – many times requested at the last-minute. He is now part of every dream coming true.
And if you are reading, thank you for being a part of this community. It means the world to me.
The December shift begins again in the silence of falling snow and crisp air in which I stand transfixed, holding space with a motionless, red finch sitting on the birdfeeder, nearly empty of its seeds. He must know I am near, yet he seems patient in allowing me to observe him. When he finally leaves his post, I take note of the bare, winter branches, now a gathering space for the resting snowflakes. The snow-covered lawn is temporarily free of the squirrels’ scampers. I’m startled and realize I’ve been noticing the winter scene for much too long – as if time stands still.
I move to the warmth of my chair next to the glowing Christmas tree, which has been decorated for a week already, and I wish for the words to pour onto the page. I have learned that it is nothing I can force or push. Rather, I must willingly reach out and wait to follow their gentle pull.
As December begins again, I edge toward the countdown to my fifty-ninth birthday – now just twenty days to go. That number feels like it is getting big, but it doesn’t seem quite right. I don’t “feel” like I can be anywhere close to the looming sixty.
It’s actually the smaller numbers that seem so large now. It’s as if recent time is slowing down. How different my life is – how different I am – in just four short years.
It’s only been four years since I began unraveling a life of meeting external expectations and launched into exploring who I am meant to me. It’s nearly four years since breaking social norms and living alcohol free in order to see clearly my own wholeness and believing that choosing myself is indeed not selfish. It’s been four years since I got my first tattoo.
It’s only been three years since the spiritual message was delivered to me.
You are on the right path. Keep going.
A pivotal moment that allowed me to abruptly quit my professional work just three months later and begin to fully embrace the quiet power to live toward my dreams. It was then that I magically met Andy and my cottage became a reality. I began writing every day and found a community in which I belong.
And two years ago, I opened up my dreams to the world, posting my first Substack.
There was so much healing work going on between each milestone. It was hard and some days I couldn’t breathe from the weight of what I didn’t know. I didn’t know about emotional neglect or the progression of untreated, intergenerational trauma. I didn’t know about perfectionism and overproducing. I didn’t know how much I was pretending. I didn’t know that rules were controlling me.
The work of healing and making space for dreaming continues. 2025 was a year of acceptance.
Accepting that I wasn’t going to get up on Monday mornings and work a regular job. I had to let my professional self rest. I was thankful for what she achieved and provided for thirty years, but her work was done. I work under different rules now.
Accepting that what I have is all I have, and it is enough. I can joyfully shift how I live to make that work. It is radically different than what I expected at this phase of my life, but I live smaller so that I can live bolder. To help make ends meet, I followed my heart and accepted a part-time job at a beautiful, cozy store that makes me smile each time I walk in (come see me at The Winged Lion in downtown Manhattan, KS).
Accepting that my dreams are evolving and I am open to the shifting paths.
Accepting that I have more to learn and that the healing work never ends. It just looks different.
Looking back, it feels as if I have lived a full life in the last four years. Perhaps because for the first time, I’m living fully. I’m living authentically. Time, it seems, gave me the gift of a quantum leap into the life I was meant to live. Now, I can settle into the rhythm and navigate the ups and downs as I continue to begin again.
I am distracted by a scratching sound outside my window. As I stand to investigate, I discover it is the little finch trying to catch my attention. As he rests on the sparkling branch, we look at each other and contemplate the moment. Time stands still again in the silence shared between us. I’m quite certain - from the depth of my being - that he appeared again to assure me that today, in this moment, I continue to travel on the right path, and it is my destiny to keep going.
I respond in a whisper, thank you for reminding me. I will.
With loving wishes to keep going,
Amy
Love that you are awake to the right there signs that come along.
"Accepting that what I have is all I have, and it is enough. I can joyfully shift how I live to make that work." This really struck me...I'm feeling it too. And I love your red finch messenger angel! Congratulations on this anniversary! <3