I recently ran into a friend while walking in the park. I hadn’t seen her in months. We quickly caught up and I was beaming with happiness. The next morning she texted me a short message:
“You seem magical.”
My eyes widened and I gasped at what I considered one the best compliments I’d ever received.
You see, I’ve always wanted to be a witch. A friendly witch with good magic, of course. This innermost desire came from an early encounter with my mother.
I was five or six and my mom was folding clothes on the living room couch. This was quite normal, a daily activity with five small children at home. Nothing out of the ordinary. I can’t even remember the question I asked, but I do remember her response.
“Because I’m a witch.”
I stared at her in awe and disbelief. Tilting my head and squinting one eye, I replied. “No, you’re not. There’s no such thing.”
With raised eyebrows she replied mysteriously, “Oh, but I am.”
I shrugged, still wondering and walked to the kitchen. Moments later I returned to the living room and my mother was inexplicably gone! I called to her and got no response. I circled through the hallway leading from the living room to the dining room to the kitchen and back again. She had truly disappeared. I gasped! She must be a witch!
We never spoke of it again. My dreams of magic kept silent.
As I matured, I realized that there were many possibilities to explain my mother’s magical disappearance. Perhaps she ducked into the hall closet, giggling as she heard me call for her. Or perhaps she stepped out the front door to get the mail, completely unaware of my confusion.
But from that moment, I dreamed of having magical powers. To blink my eyes and be anywhere my heart desired. To make magic potions that could cure a sad day or make my hair curly. To make the boy in third grade like me as I admired him from afar. The magic to belong. The magic to make the fears go away.
But alas, those dreams subsided as I wizened to the ways of the world and I embarked into the journey of education, textbook learning, and the rules of adulthood. I did all the things expected of me - achieving straight A’s, professional and civic leadership roles, getting married – because that is how success was defined. I was a perfectionist and a workaholic. A common life by any external measure, but the magic was missing.
My magic powers were dampened by an undercurrent of fear that ran through my very being. Fear of failure. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of making someone angry. Fear of not belonging. Fears I kept deeply hidden from my family and friends. My inner light – my magic – was dimmed bit by bit until it was nearly extinguished through the winds of burn out and decades of emotional neglect. Fear suffocated me from the inside out.
But then, in my fifty-sixth year, something happened. Actually, a series of somethings. Little did I know that in the emptiness, the magical embers still glowed, deeply a part of me, waiting to be reignited.
There was nothing simple about the transformation I experienced. I had to look in the mirror and see the big brown eyes of my younger self that I had tried to protect from the teasing, the bullying, and the expectations placed on her that didn’t fit who she was meant to be.
Now I know that my magic resides in my heart. It is a powerful gift of empathy that allows me to see another’s spark and to sense their haunting darkness. My powers create a calm space allowing others to explore their own dreams and uncertainties. Finally, without fear, I share my brightness in simple moments. My gift is strongest when I trust the magic of my knowing.
It’s risky business, letting our magic shine. I have learned that it is worth the risk of rejection. Those who understand will stay close. Those who don’t will slowly step away and vanish. Letting go is a part of holding on to the magic.
With loving, magical wishes,
Amy
Thank you for reading Someday Is Now. I invite you to pause for just a moment and consider these reflections. If you’d like, share some thoughts in the comments.
What magical powers do you feel seeping outside of the cracks of your armor or protective walls?
What did you dream about as a child? How might they present themselves to your adult self?
How did you discover your magical powers? Or, what’s holding you back from finding them?
Love your well-woven words revealing powerful life truths…bravo beautiful friend 😘
What a lovely way to think of the gifts we all have. Let your magic sparkle!