Midsummer passed with the Summer Solstice – sunlight’s longest day. The fireflies glow brighter, the birds sing louder, and the bugs bite harder, reminding us that we are the ones who invade their humid space. It is, to some, symbolic of inner reflection and new beginnings, bringing the potential for turning points and personal transformation.
And it just happens to mark the halfway point of my 58th year.
Thus, it was the perfect time for me to join seven friends for a retreat at the Writers’ Colony at Dairy Hollow in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. It was a beautiful space to pause and notice where we have been, where we are, and what is calling to us next.
This was actually my third Big Picture/Your Right Livelihood retreat. As we made our way through the weekend, it became evident that these experiences have clearly marked important milestones on my journey. I can’t even believe how different I am from just two and half years ago.
Retreat Number One ~ Fall 2022
A very close friend invited me to join her for my first retreat in the fall of 2022. It serendipitously came just weeks after I made a huge jump in my healing journey and quit my professional career. I was nine months sober, nearly one year into healing with my therapist, and I had no idea what I was going to do next. But I was determined that I could not go back to what was. I knew I was meant for more.
I remember vividly so much about that weekend. The meditations and imaginings of what my “house” of right livelihood might look like. A journey through a forest to meet someone who had a message I needed to know. A wandering excursion to ponder the signs and wonders arriving to guide us.
Though the group was small, I shared my thoughts hesitantly – frequently asked to speak louder. I kept hearing the voice in my head comparing my own professional experience with the magic that was happening in this cozy space. I listened with awe at the amazing words and thoughts coming from others. At the end of our weekend, we were given the opportunity to think about our “plan” for what might be next. As I struggled with my vision for where I might be in the next year, I found ease in the one certainty that unfolded – I gave myself permission to pause and take three months off. Three months with the only thing on my to do list was to simply decide how would I be that day.
In the months that followed, I continued my journey of healing and learning. It was during this time that I was free to meet Andy, my dream of writing was revealed, and I created a gentle path to pursue it. I magically discovered a community of writers and creators that were kindred souls. It was during this time that I began to really know who I was meant to be.
Retreat Number 2 ~ Fall 2023
When I attended my second retreat in the fall of 2023, I greeted the others that I had met along the way with warm hugs, eager to explore again where I had been and where I was headed. Still hesitant, I spoke louder – knowing that my words, thoughts, and heart mattered. I felt more ease and less comparison. Throughout the weekend, those that met me in 2022, consistently remarked, you are a different person. I felt brighter and somehow lighter. We dreamed of possibilities, and I came away knowing that I was still on the right path. I finally felt a deep sense of belonging among creative soul mates.
Just two months later, I bravely went live with my Substack, making my writing public. Starting slowly, consistently, and imperfectly. My purpose then is the same now – if my writing resonates with one person, that is enough, even when that one person is me.
Retreat Number 3 ~ Summer Solstice 2025
This time, I knew all the others attending. It felt like I was coming home. It was a space to pause and reflect, again. To wonder and question. To explore and reframe. As I reviewed my responses to all the beautiful writing prompts, I realized the overarching theme for where I am now is shift. I’m in the midst of transition. I’m still working on letting go of comparison – but that is now a softer block that is dissipating with time and intention.
I sketched a map, of sorts, filled with spaces that I will hold for what is most important – and surprisingly, noting what parts of my past life are no longer included. And what’s next? Space to look back and reflect on what I’ve been writing and where it might go next. I’m open to possibilities.
As we ended our time together, we were inspired to write from A Journey, by Nikki Giovanni. Here is what came through me.
Finding My Way
I’m in the midst of the journey
starts and stops
pauses and redirection
I get lost until I find
my way again
discovering that lost is
always meant to be
part of the adventure
I am simply a passenger
observing
noticing
deciding for myself what is next
I no longer need to lead or
perform
but I can bring others along
and show them the way
if they’d like
I can look back
and be grateful for
what has been
I can sit for a while and
breathe in just where I am
when I am ready
I can close my eyes and
make a wish to the stars or
blow a dandelion dream
into to the wind
grateful for the freedom of
this journeyWishing you freedom to journey,
Amy
So when I was in my Rhine River Cruise we were in the first City of Strasberg, I asked the tour guide where to go for our free afternoon. Her reply “just get lost in the city “. It was a wonderful experience. You reminded me of that. Need to do this more often. Grateful to you for sharing your experience!
"Meant for more" and the more keeps coming. Also the possibility of the impossible and yes to growth.